Day 3: Motherhood

In pain you will bring forth children. Genesis 3:16

Can I be honest? I wasn’t ready to be a mom. When that pee stick told me the news, I cried. And peed on another stick. (They were not happy tears.) It’s not that I was too young or unsettled; no, I just wasn’t ready. Not ready for the utter life change, the sleepless nights, giving away my body again and again, feeling completely helpless and isolated and bewildered all at the same time.

When my first child was still an infant, I shared a meal with an old friend—a mentor figure who also happened to be on this motherhood journey. I remember sharing with her that somehow becoming a mom deepened my understanding of God. It was more an offhand comment meant to impress my theology professor friend, but it has stuck with me through the years. Through two more births, the nights soothing crying babies, snuggling on the couch, tending to scraped knees and broken hearts.

I don’t think one must literally experience motherhood in order to gain a deeper understanding of God, but it does provide a unique lens through which to view the divine. I am a mom just like Mary was a mom. Just like Mother God is a mom. Motherhood is terrifying and exquisite, heartbreaking and exhilarating, and all of it belongs. The God of the universe came into the world through the body of a mother, and I somehow get to participate in that same creating. It’s mysterious and humbling.

—Keah Redder