Listen

January 29, 2018, By: Dana Cramer

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:18-20

Just as God heals us individually, he can heal our relationships as well. But the work that goes into healing broken relationships is very difficult. In the beginning of our recoveries, Nan and I, felt like we were starting over, and in many ways we were. I don’t know that Nan and I would ever want to go through that again, but we had to if we were going to grow and mature in our marriage. We are still learning, still growing, still being amazed by what God has done in our lives and in our family. Nan and I have learned a lot in 41 years of marriage and 30 plus years of recovery, I would like to share two areas that were crucial in relational recovery.

Control! When I quit trying to change Nan into what I thought she should be, she got a whole lot healthier. What it came down to is this: If I trusted Jesus with my life, why didn’t I trust Him with Nan’s? Control and insecurity had a big part in that. But there was something bigger, I was holding back just a little, I had given Nan 90% of me, but I was holding out and didn’t know it until I had a come to Jesus experience at a National Celebrate Recovery Summit that changed my life. God made it very clear to me that he wanted all of me and to trust him 100%. Bombshell: I wasn’t having trouble trusting Nan I was having trouble trusting God. After all the years of marriage, God was asking for more. I listened and I got busy; I started doing what God had revealed to me to do. When I surrendered that last little bit in my marriage and trusted God to do his work, we both benefited.

Listen! I was a great communicator as long as I was controlling the conversation. The more I communicated in that way the more Nan retreated. To be blunt I had to learn that there are times to shut up and listen. We learned some basic ground rules, which really helped in those early years and we continue to use them today. Actually, I think Nan does better at this than me, but I’m getting there! Some of the communication tools we learned are found in the message “Listen” (author unknown).

Listen

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving advice
you have not done what I’ve asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems,
you have failed me, strange as this may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen
not to talk or do–just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can do and need to do
for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel
what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to
convince you and get about the business of understanding
what’s behind this irrational feeling.
So please listen and just hear me. And in turn I will listen to you.

Love God, love people, Jesus first!

Dana Cramer // Celebrate Recovery at Crossroads


Celebrate Recovery at Crossroads Church Calendar
January 29-February 4, 2018

Friday, February 2: Message Night

  • 6pm: Our Hospitality Team is preparing a wonderful dinner for you. Please join us for dinner and fellowship.
  • 7pm: Join us for worship and a message on Step 4.
  • 8pm: Open Share Groups.
  • 9pmSold Rock Café.

Announcements:

  1. A New Women’s Mixed Issue 12-Step Group has started and meets every Monday at 6:30pm at Crossroads Loveland Campus.
  2. A new Men’s Mixed Issue 12-Step Group is starting on February 19. For more details, contact [email protected].