Day 12: Seen

“He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.” Isaiah 53:2

I have Bipolar I Disorder. I can say this now. For some time, I would not say it. There is still some apprehension because of the stigma associated with mental health concerns, but I have come to accept that the chemistry in my brain that causes me to have bipolar disorder is no different than the chemistry in the pancreas causing someone to have diabetes.

I should be clear at this point that I do not say that I am Bipolar. That would be allowing the disorder to be a definition of who I am. I believe that it is part of what makes up the quirkiness that is me, but it does not solely define me; many things do that.

Accepting that this disorder is part of my make-up and being willing to go through the processes (medication regimen, therapy sessions, group membership, etc.) helps me to feel that it is ok to be seen for what I truly am. It also allows me to reflect on what I was and how I have changed over time.

I am ok with who I am today. I am ok with others knowing about my past and the challenges I have faced and the challenges I have caused others. But it is this acceptance that allows me to be visible to the world in such a way that I can feel that the love that is given to me is real and deserved (never thought I would say that). I know that sharing and being seen can be a risk, but the reward of love is great enough to take that risk.

—Jimmy Scruggs